This is a wedding blog, so that means it is all about love and the ambitious pursuit of long term union. I say ambitious because currently the stats are stacked against all of us who have joined or will be joining in any such union, and those stats are calculated factually. Kind of scary if you think about it. For me and my lover the odds are about as bad as they get, I hail from divorced parents and so does he, our shot, at least on paper, is as dismal as it gets. What does this have to do with Christmas you might be wondering, well in my reflection of what I could “give” our readers this year my thoughts kept pulling me into ideas on how you, and I, can beat these odds. So my hope for you is that you have a very romantic holiday with your love, but my prayer for you is that you make it …. to the end.
My husband and I are rapidly approaching our 20 year anniversary, this dates us big time I know, and by now we have learned a thing or two. These lessons have been hard fought, coming from broken homes with decreased ideals has major consequences, thus the statistics, but I think we are really beginning to make some major progress in the marriage department. So today I just want send you off into this holiday weekend with a gift from my heart.
Make your lover your best friend AND your priority every single day, and every single day you will beat the odds. Stop and so shall the odds begin to do their work as well. I have heard this bit of advice at least a dozen times before so I am not alone in this perception but I also give this advice from experience on both sides of the fence, so I know the validity. I also have a feeling that this bit of advice is most often given by couples who at some point in the fall caught themselves, realized it, and began to do the work to realign their priorities and their relationship, they actually KNOW how important this bit of advice is. We give it hoping that we don’t all have to learn the hard way, we give it in hopes of saving others from heartache.
Honesty IS the best policy, and communication is key. I am not talking about what has become the norm in the realm of honesty, I am talking about being really honest about what you might be feeling and thinking. Sometimes this type of honesty can be really hard because it is subtle, it is nuanced, and intricate. While many opt to hide feelings and thoughts, even from themselves, to avoid hurting their partner’s, the lack of honesty really hurts them in the end because they no longer KNOW their partner, the authentic one. Honest feelings and thoughts shared between partners deepens and connection and leads to understanding that will improve the relationship long term, even if hurtful in the short term.
Knowledge IS power. I am a big believer in education and growth in every area, layer, and facet of life but especially when it comes to the most paramount relationships. One of my favorite all time reads regarding love and romantic relationships is Deepak Chopra’s “Path to Love”. The $10 investment (amazon) might yield some of your biggest returns. Read it. and then a few years later read it again, and again a few years after that. You will understand more and more as you consider the words, grow in your relationship, and then find meaning between the lines.
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